Buttercream
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: Predivorce. An Addison, Derek, and Mark fic. This shows the lifestyle of Addison and Derek around the time when their marriage began to get rocky.
1. Chapter 1

Drip... drip... drip...

_Why is my hand wet?_

Addison pulled her palm from under her chin and realized she had drooled on herself. With disgust, she quickly wiped her hand on her navy blue pleated skirt. She straightened up in the kitchen chair and once again fixed her gaze on the leaky kitchen faucet. Drip.

_He was suppose to fix that._

Suddenly full of unsettling feelings, Addison rose from the table and walked out of the kitchen and into the living room of the Manhattan brownstone apartment she shared with her husband. She froze, scanning over the clean vibrant fabrics, the glass coffee table, the medical magazines, the lamps with their unique fabric shades from Europe, the expensive abstract sculptures, and the picture frames that screamed a happy and collective life.

Tears furiously made their way down Addison's face. She pushed them away just as quickly as she pushed the thoughts that caused them away. She took a step... then another... and collapsed to the floor, hands over her face, overcome with such feelings of sadness and emptiness that she was sure her heart would sink if she didn't relieve the tension in it.

"I'm unhappy!" she cried out through her tears to the empty, dark apartment.

Upon receiving no response, Addison took a deep breath and forced herself to stand. With tears still wet on her face, she began to tear the living room apart. She ripped page after page from the medical magazines. She continued on to the lamps, knocking them from their stands. Each sculpture, each picture frame made its way to the floor, often breaking and shattering the perfect, dusting existence leaving nothing but a shadow of the memory it once was.

When the rage ended, Addison stood breathless in the middle of the room. Hand upon her messy, unkempt hair, she was hit full force with the realization that she had, indeed, went through a mental breakdown that she was sure Derek would not understand, nor appreciate when he arrived home the hospital.

_What am I going to do? Oh God... what did I do?_

Tears began to fall and Addison let them, feeling this time, they were justified. With shaking hands, she tripped across the room and picked up the telephone receiver. She dialed quickly, pressing the numbers committed to memory. She held a breath until the familiar voice soothed her anxiety.

"Hello, Addison."

"How did you know it was me?" her voice broke.

"Are you crying?" he held genuine concern.

"No." Addison replied as the tears fell quickly.

"I'm coming over."

Click. Hand still shaking, Addison set the receiver back down. She picked the phone back up once more and dialed. One ring. Two rings. Tears dropping onto her white blouse. Three rings. Four rings.

"Hi. You're reached Derek. I'm not able to answer your call now-"

Addison slammed the phone down. She crossed to the couch and perched on it, placing her face back into her hands. Taking deep breaths, Addison attempted to regulate her breathing and stop herself from crying. However, her heart still felt heavy in her chest so the tears would not stop and they continued to slide down her cheeks.

There was a knocking on the door. Addison dropped her hands and walked to the front door. She opened it as she wiped her face. Mark, in sweat pants and forest green tee shirt, stood there. He stepped into the apartment, Addison closing the door behind him.

"Addie, what's wrong?"

Mark's mouth fell open as he stepped into the living room and examined the chaos. He turned to Addison and hurried back to her side.

"What the hell happened?" Mark placed his hands on Addison's arms, "Did somebody hurt you?"

"I did it." Addison answered her tears finally drying up.

Mark dropped his hands, "You did this? _Why_?"

"I was upset." Addison responded quietly, walking over to a broken piece of a blue sculpture and picking it up. She faced Mark, "What am I going to do, Mark? Derek is going to go berserk when he sees this."

Mark scratched the back of his head, awkwardly, "I'm pretty sure someone already went berserk here, Addison."

Addison groaned loudly and stomped to the couch. She plopped down on it heavily as fresh tears began to flow. She waved her hands toward her face.

"I can't make them stop!" Addison exclaimed, fully frustrated, "Isn't there like a button or something to make them stop?!"

"I don't know. Men don't cry." Mark replied, hastily. Finding his words did not comfort Addison, he sat down on the couch next to her, "Do you want to, like, _talk_?"

Embarrassed and slightly annoyed, Addison turned her head away from Mark as her tears still fell. Mark leaned forward and spoke softly, his tone causing Addison to look back over at him.

"Addison... what's going on? I've never seen you this upset."

Feeling the closeness between them and before Addison even gave herself time to think of her actions, she leaned into Mark, pressing her lips into his, her tears kissing his cheeks. Mark pulled back slightly, causing Addison to move forward with a deeper and more passionate kiss.

The sound of the front door opening drew Addison and Mark apart like oil and water. Addison stared towards the front door as Derek entered, tired and worn. He glanced up and the smile that was deciding to form dashed from his face. He entered the living room quickly.

"What happened?!" Derek looked around at the mess, his mouth hanging open.

"I... I, um..." Addison struggled trying to make a coherent sentence.

"A bird." Mark chimed in, looking to the floor before looking up at Derek.

"A bird?" Derek's flat tone displayed his disbelief.

Mark looked to Addison, who only stared at Derek. Mark stood up.

"You should have seen the thing. It was huge. Flying all over the place, knocking everything over. It almost took Addie out, scared her half to death."

"A bird?" Derek repeated.

Addison broke her trance and stood up, "Yes."

The anger and disbelief disappeared from Derek's face as concern and fatigue ebbed onto it. He softened as he crossed to Addison.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." Addison managed, "I called Mark and he came here to..."

"Help with the bird." Mark folded his arms across his chest, "Seriously huge bird, man. Bigger than my head."

Derek wrapped his arms around Addison and held close. He kissed the top of her head as Mark looked at the floor, running his hand through his hair. Derek pulled away from Addison and looked to Mark.

"Thanks for being here for this... mess." Derek said.

"No problem, man." Mark replied with a hint of difficulty, "And since everything seems to be in working order... It must be almost midnight."

"Past." Derek responded.

Mark took a few steps towards the front door, "Well... I guess I'll just... go. I'll see you guys at lunch tomorrow."

Addison pulled away from Derek and began to pick up pieces of the broken sculptures.

"Are you bringing Charlize to lunch?" Derek asked.

"Ah, yes. Charlize." Mark glanced at Addison quickly, "So, I'll see you then. Night."

"Night, Mark. Thanks again."

Derek exchanged a smile with his friend and Mark quickly let himself out. Derek bent down next to Addison, who was still hastily gathering the sculpture pieces. He placed a hand on Addison's.

"We can get it tomorrow." Derek offered.

Addison pulled away, shaking her head, "No, I don't want to leave all this here. It's disgusting." She looked up at Derek, "Go to bed. You're exhausted. I'll be up in a little while."

"Addie, come on." Derek stood, taking Addison's hand and attempting to pull her to her feet as well.

Addison yanked her arm down, "Derek, please. Just go."

Derek stared a moment, wondering what had come over his wife to make her so agitated. Addison stared back up at him, holding her own. Derek broke from the trance and stepped back.

"Okay. I'll see you upstairs." Derek left the room and climbed the staircase, Addison watching him go.

Once Derek was out of her sight, Addison dropped the sculpture fragments to the floor. She raised herself to the couch and sat down, placing her hand to her lips, tenderly.

_It was nothing._ A little voice told her, but believing that voice was another issue.

Slowly, Addison placed her face in her palms and took a deep breath. She decided she would force herself to forget everything that happened that night. Taking one more deep breath, she stood from the couch and began to pick up the wreck she had made.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a small place that one would walk right by if they were not looking for it. However, living in Manhattan and knowing the ins and outs, this was the place that Addison and Derek often dined at. Mark was late, as usual, so Addison and Derek sat waiting, two empty chairs at their table and silence between them. Derek drummed his fingers on the table.

"They better get here soon or we won't have time to eat." Derek attempted conversation.

Addison was playing with her wedding band, not paying much attention to Derek or anything for that matter. She was wrapped up in her own world, where she was reciting every quote, poem, and lyric she could think of in order to not think of anything that might threaten her.

A sudden shooting pain in her shin made Addison snap back into reality. Wincing, she looked up at Derek, who was staring at her, quizzically.

"What?" Addison said, quite annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I just seem to be missing my wife." Derek replied, cocking his head to the side.

"What were we talking about?" Addison attempted to jump into the one sided conversation.

"We?" Derek scoffed, "_We_ weren't talking about anything. I, however, was having a pleasant conversation with myself."

Addison attempted to laugh, knowing Derek's remark wasn't meant to be taken as something serious or mean, but the laugh came out as a cough accompanied by a grimace that was suppose to resemble a smile. Addison quickly wiped her face of the expression, but not before Derek caught sight of the failed attempt. Derek opened his mouth, still uncertain of what he would say, when Mark appeared with Charlize, a young, beautiful blonde woman.

"Sorry we're late." Mark apologized with a smile, "We got... caught up."

"Your shirt's hanging out." Derek said as he pointed to the part of Mark's shirt that had failed to be returned into his pants.

"Thanks." Mark replied, tucking the rest of his shirt in.

Mark helped Charlize sit down next to Addison, who gave a short greeting. He went to the other side of the table and took his seat next to Derek.

"So, what are we ordering?" Mark asked.

"I hope they have good salads." Charlize said, taking a menu and scanning it.

"They do." Addison replied, a facade veiling her, "The apple walnut is delicious."

The waiter walked over, poised with a notepad in hand. He smiled and looked from Charlize to Mark.

"Are we ready to order?"

Mark cocked his head to the side, looking at Charlize, who smiled with a slight nod. Mark turned back to the waiter, handing him the menu.

"I'll have the turkey burger with a side salad instead of the fries." Mark said, "Italian dressing."

"And I'll have the apple walnut salad." Charlize added.

"Okay, sounds great..." the waiter replied, writing it down, "And to drink?"

"Water." Charlize answered.

Mark smiled, "And a diet coke for me."

Once the waiter left, a level of comfortability settled among the diners. Charlize leaned forward, placing her chin in her palm.

"This is a really cute place." Charlize looked around, "I've never been here before."

"It's practically undetectable." Derek replied "Which is nice, in a way. Good food and the same crowd. It's never too busy."

Addison pushed her chair out and stood, "I'm going to go to the restroom. I'll be right back."

Mark stood up as well, "Me too, actually. Go before the food arrives, that's what I always say."

"You never say that." Derek replied.

Addison left the table quickly and Mark followed after her, ignoring Derek's comment. Addison turned the corner which led to the hallway where the restrooms were located. With a side step and a swipe, Mark moved around Addison and in front of her, blocking the entrance to the woman's bathroom.

"You can't just ignore me, Addison." Mark said, haughtily, "I called you four times this morning."

"Mark, move." Addison commanded, narrowing her eyes as she folded her arms across her chest.

Mark leaned against the door frame, "I'm not moving until you tell me what the hell happened last night."

"Nothing happened." Addison spoke slowly, deliberately, "It was an accident."

"An accident?" Mark's eyebrows drew together, "Addie, you kissed me. Not that I didn't particularly enjoy it, but you're my best friend's _wife_. If there's something going on between you and Derek, I think it would be better if you talked to him instead of kissing-"

"Everything is fine, Mark." Addison spat, "I made a mistake, okay? And I do not appreciate you cornering me like this to discuss my marital issues with Derek."

"Are you PMSing?" Mark asked, voicing his only reasoning to Addison's strange behavior.

"No. Are you?" Addison retorted, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm just wondering," Mark said innocently and then added with emphasis, "Because you're acting all crazy."

Addison shook her head with disgust, "Yes, Mark, yes. I'm crazy, which just happens to be a clear indication that I am PMSing. That's the typical male answer for everything, isn't it?"

"Okay, I'm wrong." Mark held up his hands, defensively and then suddenly pointed a finger, back on the offense, "Or I'm completely right and those words were spoken out of mood swinging anger."

Addison opened her mouth to retort, but stopped when she heard _his_ voice from behind her.

"Mark, that's the women's room."

Addison spun around, a sickening feeling in her stomach, fearing all that _he_ may have heard, but the feeling vanished when she realized that Mark would have stopped the conversation once he saw Derek. Derek's face held a blank, cold expression, a clear indication to both Mark and Addison that he was angry.

Mark stepped aside, freeing the bathroom door, through which Addison quickly disappeared. Giving Derek an awkward smile, Mark stepped into the men's bathroom. Derek took a deep breath and then walked into the men's bathroom as well. Mark was at the sink, washing his hands. He didn't look up when Derek entered.

"What's going on, Mark?" Derek asked, his back against the bathroom door.

"Why don't you ask Addison?" Mark replied, extremely focused on the details of his hand washing.

"I'm asking you."

Mark turned off the water. He took a step back from the sink, shook his hands, and grabbed a few sheets of paper towel. He dried his hands and threw the paper towels in the trash. Finally, he looked to Derek, who had been watching him the entire time.

"You should really talk to Addie." Mark said simply.

"I just want to know what's going on, Mark." Derek's anger was gone now and replaced with a look of sadness that can only grow from a sense of hopelessness.

"Derek, I'm your friend." Mark placed a hand on Derek's shoulder, "As a friend, I'm telling this to you. When you're home, Addison's not. When Addison's home, you're not. And that just seems kind of wrong, man."

Derek took a moment before speaking.

"We're both still establishing our private practices." he offered the excuse that repeatedly played in his head.

"I know. I'm just telling it like it is." Mark paused, "And we left Charlize alone at the table."

Mark patted Derek on the arm and exited the bathroom. Derek stood a moment. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, holding his own gaze. He placed a smile on his face and left the bathroom.


	3. Chapter 3

NOTE from the author: I just wanted to thank everyone who has read so far and has given me feedback. I really appreciate it and it helps a lot. Thank you!

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She turned her key in the lock as quietly as possible, but the hard click of the sliding metal unsettled her. Opening the door, she stepped inside and slid off her high heeled shoes. She shut the door noiselessly and made her way to the staircase. The railing was cold beneath her palm and she stepped gingerly on the first stair.

"Addison."

She froze, tensing, a knot forming in her stomach. She removed herself from the stairs and faced the dark living room. Derek emerged, a glass of scotch in his hand and appearing disheveled. He moved close to Addison and she could smell the alcohol on him. The pale moonlight casting across Derek's face allowed Addison to see the redness in his watery eyes.

"You said you'd be home by nine." Derek said, too calmly, "I called you, I left you messages, and you ignored them. Where have you been?"

"Derek, we're not going to have this conversation when you've been drinking this much." Addison shook her head, "I'm going to bed."

Addison began up the stairs.

"Don't." Derek commanded and threw his glass to the hardwood floor.

Addison stopped at the sound of shattering glass, but then continued up the stairs, deciding to ignore it. Derek approached the stairs and grabbed Addison by the wrist, pulling her, causing her to stumble down the stairs to the hall. She tried to pull away, but couldn't break Derek's grasp.

"Addison, it's three in the morning." Derek's voice began to rise, "Six hours have gone by from when you told me you'd be home! Where have you been?"

"Let go of me, Derek." Addison warned.

"I want an answer." Derek waited a moment, his face reddening, "Now!"

"We'll talk in the morning." Addison struggled, "You're hurting me."

Derek looked to his hand, realizing just how tight his grip was. He let go and backed away as if Addison's arm had been scalding hot. Addison placed her hand where Derek's had been and sat down on the bottom step. Derek ran a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath, sense ebbing back into his brain. He crossed to the stairs and carefully sat down next to Addison.

"When did we get like this, Addie?" Derek spoke so softly, Addison had to strain to hear, but she had no response for him.

She looked at Derek, one eyebrow raised, quite empathetically. Silence sat between them and after a moment, Addison lifted her hand and placed it on Derek's back, causing Derek to look over at her. He smiled, more sad than pleased.

"Let's go to the Hamptons." Derek suggested, "For the weekend."

"You hate the Hamptons." Addison pointed out.

"I know, but you don't. Besides, I can go fishing." Derek paused a moment and sighed, "We need... we need a break from here, Addison. We just need a break."

"Okay." Addison agreed, "We'll go."

--------------------

Derek awoke with a start, knowing it was his dream that caused the quick awakening, but he couldn't remember what the dream was about. His head began to throb as he sat up and looked over to Addison's side of the bed, which was empty. The covers rustled as he slid out of bed, pressing his palms against the sides of his forehead.

Stumbling, he entered the bathroom and splashed cold water on to his face. Derek searched the medicine cabinet and popped two tylenol in his mouth. He swallowed them dry and walked back into the bedroom. Addison was standing there in khaki capris and a green tank top. She smiled at Derek as he squinted against the sunlight in the room.

"Hung over?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips, slightly amused.

Derek groaned in response and sat down on the bed, placing his face in his hands. Addison sat down on the bed next Derek and placed her hand on his knee.

"That's why I packed the car while you were sleeping." Addison said, "I can drive too, if you want."

Derek, still in the process of waking up and straightening his thoughts, looked at Addison, "The Hamptons?"

Addison nodded, "The Hamptons."

Derek's gaze fell upon the place where he had grabbed Addison's arm from the night before, remembering it all. Quickly, he stood and walked towards the bathroom. He stopped, but did not turn around. He knew he shouldn't have taken hold of her so tightly and he wished he could take it back. It hurt him to know that he hurt his wife.

"Derek, it's fine." Addison knew he was guilty, but she couldn't blame him. She had made her mistakes as well and could count on one hand the number of times she had slapped Derek in the face during an argument.

Derek shook his head, "It's not fine, Addie. I shouldn't have touched you like that." He turned and faced her, "I am so sorry."

Addison stood and walked to Derek, placing a hand gently on his arm, "I should have called and I should have told where I had been instead of ignoring you. You were drunk and angry. We both have tempers, mine worse yours," Addison admitted with a half smile, "And sometimes we're pushed to the limit."

"That doesn't justify it." Derek replied.

For a second, the kiss with Mark crossed Addison's mind and she let it rest there, dancing with notion of justification before pushing it away and returning to the present. She placed her free hand on Derek's other arm.

"Don't do this to yourself." Addison looked Derek in the eye, "It's okay. I understand. And if you're looking for forgiveness, I forgive you because it wasn't that big of a deal, Derek. Now, can we just go and enjoy the rest of our Saturday and our Sunday?"

Derek kissed Addison's forehead and moved away from her, heading towards his dresser. He was still not completely over his guilt, but he knew it would fade, as all things do, in time.

"Of course we can." he said as he pulled jeans and a t-shirt out from a drawer, "Just let me get a shower and then we can leave in a half hour."

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The drive to their large house in the Hamptons had been quiet. After both had tried to make conversation that seemed to resemble the awkward type of conversation held on a first date, they both fell silent. Derek tried to sleep off his hang over in hopes to feel good enough to go fishing once they arrived at the house. Addison, driving, lost herself in her thoughts and grandiose schemes of attempting to make Mark entirely forget the kiss between them. It wasn't that Addison had completely regretted it, but she didn't want to have to put up with Mark's snide, taunting remarks and possible future blackmail.

When Addison pulled into the driveway of their house, she was suddenly filled with an easiness, the house reminding her of her childhood home. The big rooms with their expensive furniture and clean designs were familiar to Addison, but she could see why Derek was unappreciative of the house because he preferred a simpler and down to earth type of life. However, she knew Derek did enjoy staying at the Hamptons because of the lake and the hiking trails in the woods.

Addison turned off the car and looked to Derek, who was rubbing his face. While unbuckling her seat belt, Addison opened the car door. She stepped outside, stretching her legs after the car ride. Derek climbed out of the car and took a deep breath.

"Fresh air." Derek said and flashed Addison a smile, "I'm feeling better already."

Derek and Addison carried their bags from the car to the house. Derek left his bags in the foyer and went to the kitchen to get a drink. Addison started towards the stairs, thought better of it, and left her bags next Derek's. She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a drink of water as well. She joined Derek, who was sitting at the island, looking towards the kitchen window.

"Do you remember what date the Kellys said they were moving here permanently?" Derek asked, turning to Addison.

"They're moving here permanently?" Addison repeated, confused.

"Dan's moving his practice here." Derek replied, "I thought you knew that."

Addison, finished with her water, stood, and walked towards the kitchen sink, "No. I didn't."

There was a knock at the front door. Addison set her glass down in the kitchen sink and looked to Derek, who set his glass on the island. He smiled and walked towards the front door.

"We haven't even been here five minutes." Addison said, following Derek to the door.

Dan Kelly, a hefty man and neighbor, stood on the front porch. He was a dentist, good at what he did, and had his own practice with an experienced staff. Smiling, Dan pulled Derek into a hug, slapping him hard on the back a few times.

"Derek, good to see you." Dan pulled away, still beaming, "Hello, Addison."

"Hi, Dan." Addison greeted, Dan's infectious smile causing her to smile too.

"What brings you here?" Dan asked, "It's not summer yet."

"No, but this is a nice Spring weekend." Derek replied, also smiling, "We're just here today and tomorrow. I thought I'd get some fishing in."

"What luck you have, Shepherd!" Dan exclaimed, clapping Derek on the back, "My boat's all set up for today. Why don't you come with me, instead of dealing with getting your boat ready for two days of fishing? And Addison can sit by the lake and read with Lisa and catch up on their women things."

Derek looked at Addison, raising his eyebrows, his smile still on his face.

"Let me get a book." Addison told him and then opened one of the suitcases and started digging through it.

Derek turned back to Dan, "Did you and Lisa move out here yet?"

"Yes, we did." Dan nodded, "Last month we were completely done moving. And our family dentistry is open and doing well."

"Good for you, Dan." Derek turned to Addison again, "Hear that, Addie? Dan's business is doing well."

"Fantastic." Addison commented, not looking up and still rustling through the suitcase, until she felt her hand sweep across the thick bound pages. She pulled the book out and stood.

Derek stepped outside and walked towards the car, "I have to get my fishing pole."

Addison locked the house and followed after Derek and Dan, who were both at the trunk of the car, taking Derek's fishing pole out.

"Lisa's already at the lake with the jeep." Dan said, looking at Addison, "I stopped on my way down because I saw your car. We should be out until five, but Lisa can bring you back here if you don't want to stay at the lake until five and that way, you won't have to drive."

"That's great, Dan, thanks." Addison smiled, but when he turned away, her face fell.

"Let's get on our way, then." Derek happily walked towards Dan's truck, which had a boat in tow.

Dan walked alongside Derek, continuing to slap him on the back while making jokes and talking about his latest fishing adventures. Addison, who really just wanted to spend time with Derek, followed behind, staring at the ground and finding herself thinking about the tingling sensation she had felt when she shared a kiss with Mark, a thought she had been trying to ignore since the moment their lips had touched.


	4. Chapter 4

"You're not reading."

"Hm?" Addison, a puzzled expression on her face, looked over at Lisa Kelly, her friend and neighbor. Lisa was pretty, but not beautiful and had long dark hair which fell in curls down her back. She was also seven months pregnant.

"You haven't turned a page in fifteen minutes." Lisa commented, "And you're distracted. Is everything all right?"

"I-- yeah." Addison replied.

"Are you sure?" Lisa asked, not quite believing Addison's response.

"I just can't seem to concentrate on reading." Addison dropped her book onto the grainy boardwalk. She hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the lake.

Lisa set her book aside and pulled her sunglasses over her eyes, "Why are you distracted?"

A familiar ringing made Addison jump and she reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. Her mouth set itself into a small pout as she examined the caller id.

"Hello, Mark." Addison greeted as she held the phone up to her ear.

Mark was at his home, in shorts and a sweaty t-shirt, sitting at his kitchen table and drinking water after a work out. He smiled when he heard Addison's voice.

"Hi." Mark replied, "What are you doing?"

"Not much of anything." Addison answered, "And you?"

"Standing on your porch." Mark was casual and smirking, "I was hoping to get my bike, but it appears no one is home. When will you or Derek be back?"

Addison closed her eyes and sighed quietly, "Not until tomorrow."

Mark stood up and placed his empty glass next to the sink and then leaned against the counter, "If I had a key to your place, then we wouldn't have a problem."

"And if you hadn't brought a woman to our home and had sex with her on our couch while pretending the brownstone was yours, you'd still have a key." Addison remarked, smugly and smiling. She glanced over at Lisa, who was listening, but pretended not to while picking at a section of splintering wood.

"Touche." Mark walked back to the kitchen chair and sat down, leaning the chair back onto two legs, "So, where _are_ you and Derek?"

Addison shook her head, "I don't think that's any of your business."

"The two of you are my best friends." Mark pointed out, "Of course it's my business."

Addison turned her head away from Lisa and lowered her voice, "You told me that if there was something going on between me and Derek that I should talk to him about it. We needed to get away, Mark. We'll be back tomorrow."

"Well, I need my bike now."

"Well, you should have thought of that before you put it in our basement." Addison retorted.

"Yeah, I guess I should have." Mark said and Addison's eyebrows drew together in confusion at Mark's agreement.

"What are you up to, Sloan?" Addison leaned forward with interest.

"Not a thing." Mark let his chair fall into its rightful position, "But, I gotta go take a shower now, so I let you relax with your literature in the Hamptons."

"How did you-" Addison began.

"I called Derek before I called you."

Addison heard the click of Mark hanging up and she closed her phone, a small smile on her face. She looked over at Lisa, who was looking at her. Lisa pushed her sunglasses up into her hair.

"Mark, huh?" Lisa smiled, "Is he the hottie who was at your cookout last summer?"

Addison raised an eyebrow as she looked out over the lake, "That's Mark."

"I'm getting tired." Lisa put her sunglasses back down and picked up her book, "Do you want to go back?"

Addison continued to look at the lake, "I was actually thinking about taking a walk. It's about two hours until Dan and Derek get back here. I'll ride up with them."

"You shouldn't go out in the woods alone." Lisa said.

"I can handle it." Addison stretched out her legs and moved her feet back and forth, "I've got sneakers on."

Addison gave Lisa a smile. Lisa tried to stand up, but was having trouble. Addison set her phone on her book and stood up, then helped Lisa to her feet.

"Thanks." Lisa was grateful for the gesture, "There's a trail over there." She pointed to the edge of the woods, "It's nice and not too much of a climb."

"Okay." Addison nodded.

Addison escorted Lisa to the jeep. Once Lisa was seated in the driver side and buckled, Addison gave a small wave and headed towards the woods.

"Be careful!" Lisa called after.

With another wave, Addison continued on. She looked over the trail, which was just a trodden down dirt path. She walked, looking up at the too blue sky and the green of the leaves, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. It was on days like these that she felt like everything in her life could reach a state of perfection and bliss.

The woods reminded her of the camping trips she used to go on with her father when she was young. However, during one camping trip when Addison was nine, she was climbing a tree and fell, breaking her wrist. Since then, her father never went camping again, although he still continued fishing to this day. Addison was pleased that Derek shared the interest in fishing with her father because it gave them an opportunity to bond and offered Derek a father figure in his life, something that was helpful to Derek.

As Addison continued to walk, she became lost in her own thoughts. The heat of the sun made sweat begin to form on the back of her neck. She heard a branch break and stopped walking, looking quickly to her left. A squirrel ran up a tree and Addison felt like an idiot for the fear she felt that put a small fluttering in her heart.

Addison was about to take a step forward and continue on the path when she heard the sound a water lapping. She stepped off the path and walked down a slope toward the sound. After several minutes and sliding on a few patches of leaves, Addison came to a clearing.

The lake was cast out in front of Addison and it was free from boats and people. Trees lined the expanse and gave boundary to it. The sunlight hit the slow bobbing waves, making the lake sparkle. At Addison's feet were large rocks, which the water bounced into and then away.

As Addison stared off at the bobbing waves, she became lost in them, soothed by a calming feeling, while a breeze blew her hair away from her face. She longed to be in the water, but not be wet. She wanted it to overtake her. She wanted to be in it, feel it, breathe it, be it. She wanted to be free, nowhere and everywhere.

Dragging herself slowly back to reality, Addison decided to head back to the boardwalk. Taking one last sweeping look, she turned around and walked towards the path. After walking and the scanning the ground, but not finding the path, Addison picked up her pace, trying to keep panic from starting. She placed her hand to her pocket and remembered she had left her cell phone on the the boardwalk.

She stopped and looked around, not admitting to herself that she did not know where the path was. Addison was certain she would have crossed it by now. Turning slowly and debating her directions, Addison began to walk again, crossing over fallen branches and rocks. She smiled as she saw a path a few feet ahead. She looked left and then right and decided to go left, sure that either way she went, she would eventually be led out of the woods.

Addison set out on the newly found path, ignoring the fact that she was hot, tired, and thirsty. She felt confident and hopeful as she walked onward, not knowing that the path was leading her to a dead end.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek opened the cooler and saw nothing but dirt specks floating in the inch deep water. He promptly closed the lid and looked up at Dan, who was putting a small fish on his hook.

"That's the last of the bait." Derek said, "Make it worth it."

Dan glanced at his watch and then cast his line, "It's about time to head back anyway."

Derek placed his hook around his fishing line and then wheeled it until the line was almost taut, so that it wouldn't hang down. He set his pole at his feet so it ran along the length of the boat. He scanned over the lake and then looked at Dan.

"We got so caught up talking about work that I forgot to say this before." Derek smiled, "Congratulations on the baby."

Dan smiled and laughed so loud it probably scared most of the fish away, "Thanks, Derek. It's a boy, you know? We're thinking about naming him Matthew."

"Matthew's a good name." Derek nodded, he had always liked the name Matthew.

"What about you and Addie?" Dan asked, looking at Derek then back at the lake, "You gonna have any kids?"

"We talked about it." Derek gave as an answer, a touchy subject for him, "But, now's just not the time. Some day. Hopefully sooner rather than later."

"Our kids could hang out in the summers." Dan replied.

Derek stared off, thinking of the children he and Addison would have, "Yeah..."

Dan tugged his fishing pole and started to reel the fish that bit in. He struggled at first and then did it with ease. He sighed, a bit annoyed.

"I lost it." Dan said.

Derek, who had been leaning forward with interest, sat back in his seat with a laugh. Dan laughed a little, too and wheeled in his empty hook. Dan set his fishing pole in the boat and started up the motor.

"I think we had a good day." Derek placed her arms up, resting his hands behind his head.

"Yeah, I think so, too." Dan agreed and smiled as he steered.

They reached the boardwalk in a matter of minutes. Dan pulled up next to it slowly and turned off the motor. He pulled a rope out and looped it on a small hook on the boat and connected the rope to a wooden pillar rising a foot from the boardwalk.

"I'm leaving the boat here because I'm coming out later." Dan explained, "Night fishing. You can join me if you want, Shepherd."

Derek shook his head with an apologetic smile, "Nah. I should spend some time with Addison."

"Okay." Dan replied, climbing out of the boat, onto the boardwalk, "I'll be sure to catch a few for you, though."

Derek picked up his fishing pole and climbed out as well, "Thanks."

Dan, with his hand up to block out the sun, scanned the parking lot for Lisa's jeep. He turned back to Derek.

"They must have went back already." Dan said, "Probably got bored of sitting."

Derek followed Dan off the boardwalk. As they approached the end, Derek hurried up, spotting Addison's book and cell phone sitting there. Derek bent down and picked them up. He looked around for Addison, but did not see her.

"These are Addison's." Derek turned to Dan.

"I guess she forgot them." Dan replied.

"She wouldn't forget her cell phone." Derek's eyebrows drew together, knowing that something wasn't right.

Dan continued on into the parking lot, "Lisa forgets her things all the time."

Derek followed after Dan, "Could you call Lisa and make sure Addison is with her?"

Dan stopped and faced Derek, "You're worried?"

Derek nodded, sternly, "It's unlike Addison to leave her book and cell phone behind."

Dan took his cell phone out of his shirt pocket and pressed the speed dial button for Lisa. After two rings, she answered. Lisa was in her kitchen, placing cherry tomatoes in a big bowl of salad.

"Hello?" Lisa asked, the phone between her ear and shoulder.

"Hey, hun." Dan greeted, "Listen, Addison's phone and book were on the boardwalk. Did you drop her off or is she with you?"

Lisa carried the bowl of salad to the kitchen table, "Addison went for a walk in the woods. She's not back yet? That was about two hours ago. She said she'd be back in time to get a ride with you and Derek."

Dan looked to Derek, allowing Derek to know that something was indeed wrong.

"Okay." Dan replied to Lisa, "We're going to look for her. I'll call you when we find her."

"Do you want me to come down too?" Lisa asked.

"No." Dan shook his head, "Stay there."

Lisa nodded, "Okay. Let me know when you find her. Bye."

"Bye." Dan responded and hung up his phone.

Derek crossed to Dan, "What happened? Where is she?"

"Lisa said she went for a walk two hours ago and was going to catch a ride back with us." Dan answered him.

"A walk in the woods?" Derek repeated, "Addison's not particularly fond of nature. That doesn't sound like her."

Dan took Derek's fishing pole and set it in his truck with his own fishing gear, "Well, we better start looking, then."

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Addison was sitting on a fallen tree, her face in her hands. The path she was on randomly ended, much to her confusion and anger and instead of back tracking, she plopped herself down on the tree. The pink sky told her that it would soon be dark and she knew she wouldn't be able to see the path at night. The only thing she could think of doing was to sit and wait for morning or for someone to find her.

"I shouldn't have gone into the woods." Addison told herself, talking aloud to calm her fear, "I should have gone back to the house, unpacked, taken a shower, ordered take out, anything but going into the woods... alone."

Addison looked around. Every twig snapping or rustling of leaves put her on edge. She wished she had never felt brave enough to walk through the woods alone.

"Why?" she asked herself, "Why did I ever think this was good idea? Let's go wandering in the woods... let's go off the path... let's go wherever the hell I please!"

Bowing her head, Addison groaned. She really wanted to be back at the house. She really wanted to be indoors. She _really_ wanted a shower.

Snap.

Addison picked her head up, looking around. Then, she spotted him. He was quickly ducking out of the way of low tree branches and stepping through piles of twigs. Addison stood up and walked towards him. He wrapped her in an embrace, tightly. Addison breathed with relief at his touch.

"Thank God." Derek said.

Addison pulled away from him. She could see small wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, an indication that she had caused him stress. Derek pulled out his cell phone and dialed Dan's number. Dan answered after one ring.

"I found her." Derek said into the phone, "Thank you for helping look for her."

"Not a problem." Dan replied, "I know you'd do it for me. I'll meet you back at the truck."

"Okay." Derek agreed, "We'll hurry. Bye."

After Dan said goodbye, Derek closed his cell phone and placed it back in his pocket.

Addison shook her head slowly, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Derek raised his eyebrows in an optimistic expression, "I found you. It's okay. We should start back, though, Dan's going to meet us at his truck. We split up, since it was getting dark."

Derek began leading the way back to the parking lot with Addison following behind him. When Addison didn't catch up, Derek slowed his pace until she was walking alongside him.

"What made you go off into the woods by yourself?" Derek asked, a smile on his face to try and make Addison feel a little less embarrassed about getting herself lost.

"I just... felt like it." Addison answered and then stopped walking, "I'm really sorry, Derek. You must have been so worried."

Derek stopped and turned around, "Addie, it's fine."

Addison shook her head, "No... no, it's not fine, Derek. I shouldn't have... I should have stayed on the path. The _right_ path. I shouldn't have strayed, I shouldn't have even tempted myself." Addison's eyes brimmed with tears, "I should have seen it coming."

Derek moved to Addison, concerned etched onto his face. He placed his hands on her arms, looking her in the eyes, "Addison. It's not that big a deal. I am okay. You are okay. No one's hurt."

"You don't understand." Addison replied, her voice thick with tears.

Addison swallowed. She took a step away from Derek, tears streaking her face. She passed him and continued on in the direction he had been heading. Derek reached out his hand to take hold of her arm, to stop her, to embrace, to end her tears, but he couldn't do it. Instead, he took a deep breath and followed after her in silence.


	6. Chapter 6

Addison was awake. Derek was on his side, turned away from her, fast asleep for at least an hour. They hadn't said much to each other on the way back or when they reached their house or when they took turns showering and got ready for bed. Addison was quite certain that this short weekend trip had only made things worse.

It was storming outside with loud thunder and bright flashes of lightening that danced with rain. Addison always loved thunder and found lightening quite fascinating and no matter how much she professed her affection for a good storm, she would never admit to how, deep down, it terrified her. Despite her fear and quickening heartbeat, there was something about a storm that drew her to them. The thunder was so loud, so deafening, while the lightening was incredibly harsh and commanding and both mixed together with the sound of the calming rain, which was able to soothe the hurt of the elements.

After a particularly loud clap of thunder, Derek rolled onto his back. He squinted at Addison in a half state of sleep and realized, only by a bright flash of lightening that lit the room, that Addison's eyes were open and staring at the window.

"You're still awake?" Derek asked, his voice scratchy and quiet from sleep.

"Yeah." Addison replied in a whisper.

Another bright flash of lightening lit the trees outside, which were being tortured and tossed around by the harsh wind. Derek smiled a little as he looked at Addison.

"It's a good thing you're not still out there in that storm." Derek said.

Silence fell between them. It wasn't awkward, but rather natural and calming, cloaking them in comfort. Addison moved her hand under the covers to find Derek's. She slid her fingers into his.

"I peed in the woods." Addison spoke, breaking their silence.

Derek was quiet at first and then he began to snicker as he attempted to hold back his laughter. Addison frowned as she, too, tried not to laugh.

"And how did that work out for you?" Derek asked as he began to laugh.

Addison shook her head, laughing as well, "An experience I hope to never have again. I haven't had to do that since I went camping with my father when I was little."

When their laughs subsided, quiet fell among them again, only to be disturbed by the now fading thunder and rain. Derek rubbed his thumb gently on the back of Addison's hand.

"When I went camping with my dad, I loved nature." Addison reminisced, staring at the ceiling, "It was the one place I could find myself and understand who I was. I felt this... inner peace. When we stopped going on camping trips, that changed. I stopped going outside as much, I began hating bugs with a fervent passion, and I lost that security of knowing myself. I guess I was hoping that going into the woods again would help me find it."

"So this weekend hadn't turned out like you thought it might." Derek replied.

Addison sat up and turned away from her husband, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, "I hadn't been thinking it would be anything, Derek."

Derek sat up, "Oh, come on, Addie, you've been distracted for the past two days. You agreed to come here and I know something's on your mind. What's been going on?"

Addison traced circles on the smooth floor with the tips of her big toes and spoke simply, "Nothing."

Addison stood from the bed and crossed to the bathroom. She shut and locked the door behind her and leaned her back against the door, closing her eyes. Derek threw the covers from his body and climbed out of bed. He walked to the bathroom, his bare feet padding softly on the hardwood floor. When he reached the bathroom, he gently placed his palm on the door.

"Addie..." Derek spoke softly, knowing he had to coax Addison to confide in him, a practice which he only had to begin over the last year.

Addison opened her eyes. She looked around the darkened bathroom. A patch of light fell from the window onto the tiled floor. Addison stared at it as she breathed out slowly. She couldn't hide forever and she knew it. When she closed her eyes again, two large tears she attempted to hold back slid down her cheeks.

"I know it's been rough." Derek spoke through the door, "But, I want things to be different between us. Good different. When I couldn't find you today, when you were just gone from me, I was going out of my mind. And now that you're here, but not _here_, I'm still going out of my mind, Addie."

Addison pulled away from the door and opened it quickly. Derek dropped his hand as Addison reached out to him and found herself in his arms. Derek held onto Addison tightly, who still had tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." Addison whispered, "It's just been so hard. I miss you, Derek... a lot."

Addison laughed a little through her tears, trying to make the conversation lighter. Derek smiled and took a deep breath of the strawberry scented conditioner in Addison's hair.

"I know." Derek said, "It'll be different, Addie. I'll make sure I'm home more."

Addison nodded, pulling away and placing her hands softly on Derek's cheeks, "I will, too."

Addison kissed Derek, firmly and passionately. When they broke away, Derek smiled widely.

"Why don't we take this to bed?" he suggested, wiping Addison's tears as she smiled at him.

Derek, one hand entwined with Addison's, kissed her as he led her over to their bed.

------------------

Something smelled sweet... and then there was coffee. Addison opened her eyes to see Derek standing next to the bed, a grin on his face and a tray with breakfast in his hands.

"Good morning." he said, grinning wider and raising his eyebrows.

"Good morning." Addison replied, groggily, lifting herself up into a sitting position, "What is this?"

"This," Derek raised the tray up slightly before setting it down on Addison's lap, "Is a tray containing my famous blueberry pancakes and coffee."

Addison looked at the meal and then smiled up at Derek, "Thank you."

Derek leaned down and kissed Addison on the forehead, "Eat your breakfast while I pack the car and then we'll go."

"I should shower and change, too." Addison said as she picked up the fork and knife.

"I'll leave clothes out for you and you can shower after you finish eating." Derek kissed Addison again, "Then, we'll get going."

"Okay." Addison agreed, a smile still on her face.

------------------

Derek opened the front door to their brownstone. He was glad to be home. With luggage in his arms, he made his way to the stairs and up them, Addison following behind him, her arms full as well. They both set their luggage in the bedroom and exchanged a smile.

"Is that all the bags?" Derek asked.

"Yeah." Addison answered him, slipping off her shoes and socks, "I'm so thirsty."

Addison left the bedroom as Derek began unzipping a suitcase. She walked down the stairs and headed towards the kitchen. A sudden sharp pain in her right foot stopped Addison in her tracks. She cried out in pain as she reached for the wall, balancing on her left foot and raising her right, only to see droplets of blood on the hardwood.

"Derek!" Addison cried out as she slowly lowered herself to the floor with the aid of the wall.

Drawing her foot closer to her, Addison's face scrunched up in pain. A small shard of glass was lodged in her foot, causing the pain and the blood. Derek, who left his suitcase mid unpacking, hurried down the stairs and kneeled down next to Addison.

"What happened?" he asked, a look of panic on his face.

"I must have missed this piece when I was cleaning the broken glass from the other night." Addison said as Derek looked at her foot, "It really hurts."

Derek stood up, "It's not too deep. I'll get towels and things to clean it. Keep it elevated."

Addison raised her foot as Derek hurried to the bathroom. Addison watched the blood drip from the heel of her foot to the floor. When the muscles in Addison's leg began to grow tired, Derek returned, arms full of supplies.

With a pair of tweezers, Derek removed the small piece of glass from Addison's foot and rested the glass on a washcloth. He applied pressure to her wound, Addison wincing once more in pain. Derek cleaned the wound with antiseptic before placing a band-aid on it and finishing the job with a small amount of gauze wrapped around her foot.

"There." Derek said with a smile, "Now, that wasn't too bad was it?"

"Yes." Addison pouted, looking at her bandaged foot.

"I'll check it tonight to make sure it isn't infected." Derek said, kissing the top of Addison's head before helping her stand to her feet.

"Thank you." Addison balanced herself so she wouldn't put too much pressure on the injured foot.

"You're welcome." Derek replied.

Addison slowly made her way to the kitchen, slightly hobbling. Derek remained in hall, cleaning up the mess. Addison stopped and looked back Derek, who was focused on wiping the blood from the floor. A small smile extended across Addison's face as she thought that their relationship, despite all recent set backs, might actually be okay.


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, everyone. I just wanted to apologize for the lack of update. Things had been very busy and they still haven't slowed, but gotten a bit easier. Again, my apologies for the gap between updates. Thanks for being patient. :o)

* * *

Addison was still awake and having another sleepless night. Her mind wouldn't let her enter the unconscious and was, instead, occupying her with the activities of the day and the current problem that unfolded. Since both parties had agreed to spend more time together, Addison and Derek had done just that. After they had unpacked their suitcases, they left for lunch and a walk though Central Park. They did some window shopping, rented a movie, and returned home with take out Chinese food. All in all, Addison decided, the day had turned out well. However, something still alarmed her.

This thought kept Addison awake in the early morning hours. Although the day had been similar to the less preoccupied days in the early part of their relationship, Addison couldn't help but notice that there were some moments throughout the day when she didn't connect with her husband. This was an issue Addison never had to deal with before because she had always been able to connect with Derek without having to try. It scared her to think that something had changed so much that she couldn't connect with Derek the way she used to. And it was that burdening thought which kept her from sleep.

A buzzing interrupted Addison's thoughts, pulling her back into reality and the darkness of the bedroom. She realized it was her cell phone which she left on vibrate across the room in her purse. Addison debated getting up to answer it, but decided against it because of the late hour and the fact that she was attempting to fall asleep.

The buzzing stopped and Addison turned onto her side towards her husband. As she finally began to drift off, the buzzing sounded again, causing Addison to open her eyes. She sighed and decided to answer her phone since the caller was so persistent. The cut on her foot pained as Addison crossed the room to locate the glowing device and quickly answer it.

"Hello?"

"Did I wake you?" the familiar voice asked after hearing Addison's tired tone.

"It's almost two in the morning, Mark." Addison replied.

"Well, _I'm_ awake." Mark said.

Addison glanced at her sleeping husband before stepping out of the room and walking towards the staircase. She sat on the top step, "What do you want?"

"I just wanted to chat." Mark answered in an innocent and casual tone.

Addison's eyebrows drew together as her lips formed a pout and she spoke sternly, "What do you want, Mark?"

"I just wanted to see how your weekend went." Mark said and Addison noted a trace of fatigue in his voice, "That's all."

"At two in the morning." Addison dejected, the thoughts turning in her head when she realized why Mark had really called, "You wanted to know if I told him."

"Did you?" Mark was quick to reply.

Addison shook her head slightly, "No, I didn't."

"Addison, you need to tell him." Mark sounded annoyed, "I'm speaking as Derek's best friend and if you had kissed someone else and I knew, I would make sure he knew about it. I'm willing to face whatever consequences Derek has because I was involved, but-."

"Do you think I haven't thought about telling him?" Addison cut Mark off, becoming annoyed herself, "I had been debating on whether I should tell him or not and tearing myself apart over it. I know where you're coming from," Addison lowered her voice, "But I made the decision not to tell him because what happened between us was nothing. If it had been something or meant something more than what it was, I would tell him. But, that's not the case here, Mark."

"I still don't think it's right, Addie." Mark replied.

"I don't necessarily care what you think, Mark." Addison shot back, "I'm not going to hurt Derek by telling him about a stupid kiss that meant nothing only to make you feel less guilty. And for the record, this is _my_ marriage, okay? I'm doing the best that I can."

Addison felt a lump in her throat as her eyes welled up slightly. She swallowed the lump and regained her composure before any tears could fall.

"Fine. Whatever." Mark said, "Sorry I woke you."

Mark hung up before Addison had a chance to reply. Addison shut her cell phone and ran a hand through her hair with a sigh. She took a moment before standing and returning to her bedroom where she would hope to finally fall asleep.

* * *

Addison sat at the kitchen table, sorting through the mail. She felt a headache ebbing into her mind, and all she really wanted to do was go to bed after the lack of sleep from the previous night. However, it was only going on six o' clock and she didn't want to go to bed before Derek returned home from work.

After feeling bad from her conversation with Mark, she called him several times throughout the day, but he neglected to answer nor return any of her calls. Her phone sat on the table next to her just in case Mark decided to call.

The sound of the front door shutting let Addison know that Derek was home. She debated calling out to him, but decided against it because of her forming headache. After a few minutes Derek walked into the kitchen and a smile spread across his face when he saw his wife.

"There you are." Derek said, pleasantly, crossing to Addison and kissing her on the head. He looked at the pile of the mail, "Anything good?"

"Fishing magazine." Addison held the magazine above her head as she continued to sort the bills from the junk mail.

Derek took the magazine and flipped through it as he leaned his back on the counter. Derek glanced up at Addison and set the magazine aside. He walked over to the table and sat down next to Addison. He placed his hands on hers, preventing her from opening an envelope. Addison looked over at Derek.

Derek smiled, but the smile faded at the corners as Derek spoke with a more serious tone, "I have a question for you. Have you talked to Mark since we've been back?"

"No." Addison answered, silently praying that Derek hadn't somehow overheard the conversation from the previous night, "Why?"

"Mark was acting pretty strange today." Derek started.

"When isn't he?" Addison quipped, forcing a smile.

Derek smiled as well which then gave way to seriousness again, "It's stranger than the usual. I asked him to come over and watch the game tonight and he was all for it, but when I joked that you'd probably be right alongside us because we were trying to spend more time together, he said he forgot he had plans and quickly ended the conversation and left. If you haven't talked to him since we've been back, did anything happen between you two before we left?"

Addison forced a smile again, this time it was nearly impossible, "Not that I can think of. You know how forgetful Mark can be though. He probably made plans with Charlize."

"Yeah." Derek agreed with a nod, "Shall we go get some dinner, then?"

"Sure." Addison replied.

Derek stood, "I'll change and we'll go. I want to get home before the game."

"Sounds great." Addison nodded, still trying to remain cheery.

Derek smiled and left the kitchen. Addison was positive he hadn't heard the phone call nor knew of the kiss, but she was suddenly regretting her decision of not telling Derek. Maybe Mark had been right and after all, if she was convinced it was nothing then why should she be keeping it a secret?

Addison stood, shaking her head and trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. She knew she couldn't start debating the pros and cons again because if she started now, she would be distraught and distracted for the rest of the night. She needed to stop the thoughts and stop them now. Addison closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and cleared her mind. With her head held high, Addison left the kitchen and continued towards the front door just as Derek came down the stairs.

"Ready?" Derek asked, fixing his shirt sleeve.

"Yeah." Addison answered and followed Derek out the front door.


	8. Chapter 8

**I do have to say that this is the last chapter of the fic. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you for all your comments. They were much appreciated. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

She paced, she stopped. She sat down, she waited. She stood, she paced. She stopped. A door closed and Addison looked up. He was bound to come down any minute. She knew he always took the stairs to the correct floor of the parking garage after work because the walk down helped clear his mind and refresh him, as if the dirty, smelly stairwell could actually provide a mental detox for the patients and surgery he faced each day. 

'But,' Addison noted as she looked at her watch, 'He's running late.'

The footsteps on the stairs were quick, evenly paced, possibly upbeat. Addison leaned against the banister as she watched the stairs, waiting for the person to emerge. Immediately, she knew it was Mark. She recognized the sneakers that were often propped up on her coffee table, but for the past week had not even crossed the threshold of the brownstone.

He was watching the stairs as he went down them. When he finally looked up, Mark stopped on the last step before reaching the landing Addison stood on. His eyes connected with Addison's, a look of shock on his face. However, Mark quickly closed his mouth and brushed past Addison as if he never saw her, and he continued down the staircase leading to the parking garage floor where his car was located.

"Mark." Addison said, following him down the stairs.

Mark threw open the door to the parking garage and walked to his car, pulling his keys from his pocket and unlocking the doors from a distance. Addison continued to follow.

"Mark, stop!" Addison begged, becoming upset, "Please. This isn't fair!"

Mark shook his head as he continued to his car, turning his keys in his hand. Addison knew he wasn't going to turn around. She surrendered, throwing her arms in the air and sitting down on the dirty concrete.

"Fine. Don't talk to me!" Addison shouted, her words echoing off the cold walls, "I'll sit here... I'll just wait here until you do."

Mark stopped, two feet away from his car. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He knew it was killing Addison that he was treating her this way. He opened his eyes and turned around, his deep voice was slightly scratchy as he spoke.

"Get off the ground."

Addison watched Mark take a few steps closer to her before she decided to stand up. They stood apart. Mark making sure to look everywhere, but directly at Addison, while Addison did nothing but keep her eyes on Mark's face.

"Derek..." Addison's voice cracked and the name sounded empty as it echoed around them, "He knows something's up. Mark, I can't tell him what happened. But, I also can't bear having you mad at me. You won't answer my calls, you don't stop by the house anymore-"

Addison broke off, tears welling in her eyes, but she didn't want to cry in front of Mark. Now it was she who was avoiding looking at him.

"I never should have asked you to." Mark admitted, looking away, knowing Addison was upset and embarrassed by her own tears.

Addison looked back at Mark, "You were right. He should know, but it would do more harm than good for the relationship we have now. It would just hurt Derek too much."

Mark crossed to Addison and wiped away a tear that had escaped, keeping his hand on her cheek. He stared into her eyes and Addison kept hers locked with his.

"I shouldn't have been ignoring you." Mark said, quietly, "I'm sorry for hurting _you_, Addie."

Addison registered that Mark's hand was still on her cheek. She pulled away, the skin where his hand had been, slightly burning. Mark displayed an apologetic smile that Addison was quite familiar with.

"So, we're okay?" Addison broke the short, awkward silence.

Mark gave a small nod, "We're okay."

* * *

Addison held her hands under the hot water. It was too hot to be comfortable, but that didn't matter. All that really mattered was washing the dishes. The dishwasher could have done the same job easily, but she needed this. She needed to have her hands busy, her mind busy. 

The sound of the shutting front door caused her to raise her head. She waited for him to enter the kitchen, apologizing endlessly. She wanted him to see her washes the plates belonging to the meal that he never ate. Addison felt his presence and she turned around, her hands dripping. However, it was not Derek standing in the doorway, but Mark instead.

Addison did not appear surprised and she asked simply, "What are you doing here?"

Mark sauntered into the kitchen and sat down in one of the chairs at the table. He leaned back in it as if deciding how to break upsetting news to Addison.

"I had to pick up some things at Derek's office on my way home." Mark scratched the top of his head, pushing the chair back onto two legs, "His jacket and bag was still there, meaning he was still there, too. Then, I remembered you mentioning of the dinner you planned for him that was taking place tonight. I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fantastic." Addison breathed out, turning back to the sink, two tears dropping into the soapy water below her.

"I know how much this meant to you." Mark dropped his chair back down on all four legs.

"I don't even cook." Addison said, keeping her back to him, "I know how to make spaghetti and garlic bread and that's exactly what I made for tonight. Our night." She paused, "He loves my spaghetti, you know."

"I do." Mark was suddenly hating Derek right now, but he found himself defending Derek anyway, "Addie, try not to get too upset. Emergencies happen all the time. He couldn't help it."

Addison turned around, wiping the tears off her face, but it didn't stop them from continuing, "I know that, Mark, I understand that. But, it's not about him being late, it's not about the dinner... it's not about any of that."

Mark leaned forward in his chair, "Then, what is it about?"

Addison crossed to the chair next to Mark's. She sat down in it and waited for her tears to stop. After her face was dry, she began to speak, the words coming from someplace hard inside of Addison. A place that threatened her and spoke of the truth that she always chose to deny.

"He's different... we're... different." Her voice had reached a hollowness that was unfamiliar to Mark and gave him goose bumps. Addison looked at Mark, tears threatening her again, "We don't connect anymore, Mark. We just don't. I have to try to connect with him and I have never, _never_ had to _try_ to connect with Derek. Ever."

Mark's eyebrows had drawn together in clear concern, "You'll get through this. You're Addison and Derek."

"Don't." Addison shook her head, "Do not give me that crap. If Addison and Derek are so great, then why don't Addison and Derek tell us how to fix themselves? If Addison and Derek are _meant to be_, then why are they having these problems?"

"It's just a rough patch, Addie." Mark swallowed hard.

Addison was quiet as she mindlessly played with her wedding band, but never removing it from her finger. She looked Mark in the eye, "And if it's not a rough patch?"

"What else would it be?" Mark tried to play it off as a casual question, but he was sure it came out as nervous and troubled.

"We try." Addison began, playing with her wedding band again, "We plan dinners, meet for lunch when we can, arrange time to spend together as if it will all bring us back to where we were. It's not, though. We were good at first, sticking to our plans, but it's fading away just like it was before. I'm alone once again."

"You're both extremely busy establishing yourselves as the great doctors you are." Mark pointed out, "It comes with a price."

"You've been around us so much you've caught on to our excuses." Addison mused with a small, sad smile.

Addison slipped her wedding band off. She rolled it between her thumb and forefinger before slipping it back on. Mark watched her do all this, his eyes never leaving her actions.

"He doesn't love me." Addison said it so casually that Mark was unsure if he heard her correctly, "Derek. He doesn't love me anymore."

"Derek-" Mark started, waiting until Addison looked up at him before continuing, "-will always love you."

"No," Addison started, shaking her head and looking away, "He doesn't. It's not the same. And what if that's it? What if Derek's all and I only had one shot? The man who loved me doesn't anymore and that's all I'll ever have."

"Addison, someone will _always_ love you." Mark spoke gently, putting more meaning and emotion in it then he had wanted to.

Before Addison had a chance to interpret or respond to the words, the opening of the front door could be heard. Mark and Addison stood quickly, Addison making sure there were no tears on her face. Derek appeared in the kitchen doorway, a single pink rose in his hand. His mouth was open to speak, but his eyes fell on Mark.

"Hey." Mark greeted, giving a smile.

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion.

"I stopped by your office to pick up those things I asked you for, but the medical journal wasn't with them." Mark answered, "I figured you forgot it so I stopped by to pick it up here."

"Actually," Derek's face softened, "I lent it to Dr. Caruso. I'll give it to you when I get it back."

"That's all I needed to know." Mark patted Derek's arm, "See you tomorrow."

Derek nodded. Mark turned to Addison.

"Goodnight." Mark gave his best charming smile to which Addison returned the smile.

"Goodnight, Mark." she replied, her tone signifying annoyance.

Mark let himself out. Once the front door had shut, Derek spoke.

"I'm glad you two are talking again."

Addison simply nodded. Derek extended the pink rose, which Addison delicately took.

"I'm so sorry." Derek apologized, "I should have at least called."

"It's all right, Derek." Addison nodded, "I'm... it's fine."

"We can do the dinner another time?" Derek moved in close to Addison.

"Of course."

Derek kissed Addison on the forehead, unaware of the tears she had been shedding no more than five minutes ago. Derek took a step back and smiled at his wife.

"I'm going to get in the shower." Derek said, "A five hour surgery and I'm beat. I'll see you later in bed?"

Addison nodded, smiling as best she could. Derek kissed her again, this time on the cheek, and then left the kitchen. Addison held the rose up, noticing the scent mixed with the fading remains of Mark's cologne and she stood there. Alone.

* * *

**Fin.**


End file.
